How To Find Out If Someone Is Narcissistic

personality disorders

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Know someone who thinks they're better than everyone else but flies off the handle at the slightest criticism? These tips can help you spot narcissism traits and deal with a narcissist.

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What is narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?

The word narcissism gets tossed around a lot in our selfie-obsessed, celebrity-driven culture, often to describe someone who seems excessively vain or full of themselves. But in psychological terms, narcissism doesn't hateful cocky-dearest—at least not of a 18-carat sort. It's more than authentic to say that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in dearest with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. And they're in honey with this inflated self-image precisely because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. But propping up their delusions of grandeur takes a lot of piece of work—and that's where the dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors come up in.

Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often draw people with NPD equally cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. This manner of thinking and behaving surfaces in every expanse of the narcissist's life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships.

People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their beliefs, even when information technology'south causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What'southward more than, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. For the people in the narcissist's life, information technology's often easier only to go on with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages. However, by understanding more about narcissistic personality disorder, you lot can spot the narcissists in your life, protect yourself from their power plays, and constitute healthier boundaries.

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Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder

Grandiose sense of self-importance

Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than than only arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or "special" and tin can only be understood by other special people. What'south more, they are too good for annihilation average or ordinary. They only want to acquaintance and be associated with other high-status people, places, and things.

Narcissists also believe that they're better than everyone else and expect recognition as such—even when they've washed nothing to earn it. They will often exaggerate or outright lie well-nigh their achievements and talents. And when they talk about work or relationships, all you'll hear is how much they contribute, how great they are, and how lucky the people in their lives are to have them. They are the undisputed star and anybody else is at all-time a bit histrion.

Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur

Since reality doesn't back up their grandiose view of themselves, narcissists live in a fantasy world propped upwards by distortion, self-deception, and magical thinking. They spin self-glorifying fantasies of unlimited success, ability, brilliance, attractiveness, and ideal love that make them experience special and in control. These fantasies protect them from feelings of inner emptiness and shame, so facts and opinions that contradict them are ignored or rationalized away. Anything that threatens to burst the fantasy bubble is met with extreme defensiveness and fifty-fifty rage, so those effectually the narcissist learn to tread advisedly around their deprival of reality.

Needs constant praise and admiration

A narcissist's sense of superiority is similar a airship that gradually loses air without a steady stream of applause and recognition to proceed it inflated. The occasional compliment is non plenty. Narcissists need constant nutrient for their ego, and so they surround themselves with people who are willing to cater to their obsessive craving for affidavit. These relationships are very 1-sided. It'southward all about what the admirer can do for the narcissist, never the other way around. And if at that place is ever an interruption or diminishment in the gentleman's attending and praise, the narcissist treats it as a betrayal.

Sense of entitlement

Because they consider themselves special, narcissists look favorable treatment as their due. They truly believe that any they want, they should become. They likewise await the people around them to automatically comply with their every wish and whim. That is their only value. If you don't anticipate and meet their every need, then y'all're useless. And if you accept the nerve to defy their will or "selfishly" ask for something in render, prepare yourself for aggression, outrage, or the cold shoulder.

Exploits others without guilt or shame

Narcissists never develop the ability to place with the feelings of others—to put themselves in other people'due south shoes. In other words, they lack empathy. In many ways, they view the people in their lives as objects—in that location to serve their needs. As a consequence, they don't remember twice nigh taking advantage of others to attain their own ends. Sometimes this interpersonal exploitation is malicious, just often it is simply oblivious. Narcissists just don't remember about how their behavior affects others. And if you betoken it out, they still won't truly become it. The merely thing they sympathise is their own needs.

Ofttimes demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others

Narcissists feel threatened whenever they see someone who appears to have something they lack—peculiarly those who are confident and popular. They're also threatened past people who don't kowtow to them or who challenge them in any way. Their defense mechanism is contempt. The merely manner to neutralize the threat and prop up their own sagging ego is to put those people down. They may practice it in a patronizing or dismissive way as if to demonstrate how little the other person means to them. Or they may go along the attack with insults, name-calling, bullying, and threats to force the other person back into line.

Dealing with a narcissist: Don't fall for the fantasy

Narcissists tin can be very magnetic and charming. They are very good at creating a fantastical, flattering cocky-image that draw the states in. We're attracted to their apparent confidence and lofty dreams—and the shakier our own self-esteem, the more seductive the allure. It'southward easy to get caught up in their web, thinking that they will fulfill our longing to feel more important, more alive. But it's just a fantasy, and a plush i at that.

Your needs won't be fulfilled (or even recognized). It'south of import to remember that narcissists aren't looking for partners; they're looking for obedient admirers. Your sole value to the narcissist is as someone who can tell them how bully they are to prop up their insatiable ego. Your desires and feelings don't count.

Wait at the way the narcissist treats others. If the narcissist lies, manipulates, hurts, and disrespects others, he or she will eventually treat y'all the same way. Don't fall for the fantasy that you're dissimilar and will be spared.

Accept off the rose-colored glasses. It's important to see the narcissist in your life for who they really are, not who you want them to be. Stop making excuses for bad behavior or minimizing the hurt information technology'southward causing you lot. Denial will not arrive go abroad. The reality is that narcissists are very resistant to modify, so the truthful question you must ask yourself is whether you can live like this indefinitely.

Focus on your own dreams. Instead of losing yourself in the narcissist's delusions, focus on the things you desire for yourself. What do you desire to modify in your life? What gifts would you similar to develop? What fantasies practise you need to surrender in social club to create a more fulfilling reality?

Set healthy boundaries

Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and caring. But narcissists aren't capable of truthful reciprocity in their relationships. It isn't just that they're non willing; they truly aren't able. They don't come across you. They don't hear you. They don't recognize you lot equally someone who exists outside of their own needs. Because of this, narcissists regularly violate the boundaries of others. What'southward more than, they practise so with an absolute sense of entitlement.

Narcissists call up nothing of going through or borrowing your possessions without asking, snooping through your mail and personal correspondence, eavesdropping on conversations, barging in without an invitation, stealing your ideas, and giving you unwanted opinions and advice. They may even tell you what to think and feel. It's important to recognize these violations for what they are, and so you lot can begin to create healthier boundaries where your needs are respected.

Brand a program. If y'all have a long-standing blueprint of letting others violate your boundaries, it's not like shooting fish in a barrel to accept back control. Set yourself up for success past carefully because your goals and the potential obstacles. What are the most important changes yous hope to attain? Is there anything y'all've tried in the past with the narcissist that worked? Anything that hasn't? What is the balance of power between you lot and how will that impact your plan? How volition you lot enforce your new boundaries? Answering these questions will help y'all evaluate your options and develop a realistic programme.

Consider a gentle arroyo. If preserving your relationship with the narcissist is of import to you, you will have to tread softly. By pointing out their hurtful or dysfunctional behavior, you are damaging their cocky-image of perfection. Try to deliver your message calmly, respectfully, and every bit gently as possible. Focus on how their beliefs makes you experience, rather than on their motivations and intentions. If they respond with anger and defensiveness, try to remain calm. Walk away if need be and revisit the conversation after.

Don't gear up a boundary unless yous're willing to keep information technology. You tin can count on the narcissist to rebel against new boundaries and test your limits, so be prepared. Follow up with any consequences specified. If you dorsum down, you're sending the message that yous don't need to be taken seriously.

Be prepared for other changes in the relationship. The narcissist will feel threatened and upset past your attempts to take control of your life. They are used to calling the shots. To compensate, they may step up their demands in other aspects of the relationship, altitude themselves to punish yous, or attempt to manipulate or charm you into giving up the new boundaries. It'south upwards to you to stand firm.

Don't accept things personally

To protect themselves from feelings of inferiority and shame, narcissists must always deny their shortcomings, cruelties, and mistakes. Often, they will do so by projecting their ain faults on to others. Information technology's very upsetting to get blamed for something that's not your fault or be characterized with negative traits you don't possess. But as hard as it may be, endeavor not to take information technology personally. Information technology really isn't about you lot.

Don't buy into the narcissist'southward version of who you are. Narcissists don't live in reality, and that includes their views of other people. Don't let their shame and blame game undermine your cocky-esteem. Pass up to accept undeserved responsibility, blame, or criticism. That negativity is the narcissist'southward to keep.

Don't fence with a narcissist. When attacked, the natural instinct is to defend yourself and prove the narcissist incorrect. But no matter how rational you are or how audio your argument, they are unlikely to hear you. And arguing the point may escalate the state of affairs in a very unpleasant manner. Don't waste your breath. But tell the narcissist you disagree with their assessment, then motility on.

Know yourself. The best defense confronting the insults and projections of the narcissist is a strong sense of self. When you know your own strengths and weaknesses, it's easier to turn down whatever unfair criticisms leveled against you.

Permit become of the need for approval. It's of import to detach from the narcissist's opinion and whatsoever desire to delight or appease them at the expense of yourself. You demand to be okay with knowing the truth most yourself, even if the narcissist sees the state of affairs differently.

Look for support and purpose elsewhere

If you're going to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, be honest with yourself about what you can—and tin can't—expect. A narcissist isn't going to modify into someone who truly values yous, so you'll demand to await elsewhere for emotional support and personal fulfillment.

Larn what healthy relationships look and experience like. If you come from a narcissistic family unit, you may not have a very skillful sense of what a healthy give-and-take relationship is. The narcissistic pattern of dysfunction may experience comfortable to you. Simply remind yourself that every bit familiar equally it feels, it likewise makes y'all feel bad. In a reciprocal human relationship, you will feel respected, listened to, and free to be yourself.

Spend fourth dimension with people who give yous an honest reflection of who yous are. In society to maintain perspective and avoid buying into the narcissist's distortions, it's important to spend time with people who know you as y'all actually are and validate your thoughts and feelings.

Make new friendships , if necessary, outside the narcissist'south orbit. Some narcissists isolate the people in their lives in order to improve control them. If this is your state of affairs, you'll need to invest fourth dimension into rebuilding lapsed friendships or cultivating new relationships.

Wait for meaning and purpose in work , volunteering , and hobbies. Instead of looking to the narcissist to make you lot feel good nigh yourself, pursue meaningful activities that make use of your talents and permit you to contribute.

How to leave a narcissist

Ending an calumniating human relationship is never like shooting fish in a barrel. Catastrophe one with a narcissist can be especially difficult as they can be so mannerly and charismatic—at least at the beginning of the relationship or if you threaten to leave. It's easy to become disoriented by the narcissist'due south manipulative behavior, caught upwardly in the need to seek their approval, or even to feel "gaslighted" and doubt your own judgement. If you're codependent, your desire to be loyal may trump even your need to preserve your condom and sense of self. But it's of import to think that no one deserves to exist bullied, threatened, or verbally and emotionally abused in a relationship. There are ways to escape the narcissist—and the guilt and self-blame—and brainstorm the process of healing.

Educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder. The more than you understand, the meliorate you lot'll be able to recognize the techniques a narcissist may utilise to go along you in the relationship. When you threaten to leave, a narcissist will often resurrect the flattery and adoration ("love bombing") that caused yous to exist interested in them in the first place. Or they'll make chiliad promises about changing their behavior that they accept no intention of keeping.

Write down the reasons why you're leaving. Being clear on why y'all demand to end the relationship tin assistance prevent you from being sucked back in. Keep your list somewhere handy, such as on your phone, and refer to it when you're starting to have cocky-doubts or the narcissist is laying on the amuse or making outlandish promises.

Seek support. During your time together, the narcissist may have damaged your relationships with friends and family or limited your social life. But whatever your circumstances, you're non lonely. Even if you can't achieve out to old friends, you can find help from support groups or domestic violence helplines and shelters.

Don't make empty threats. It's a better tactic to have that the narcissist won't change and when you lot're ready, simply get out. Making threats or pronouncements will merely forewarn the narcissist and enable them to make it more than difficult for you lot to get abroad.

Seek immediate aid if you're physically threatened or abused. Call 911 in the U.S. or your state'south local emergency service.

For more than tips on leaving, read How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship.

Afterwards you've left

Leaving a narcissist tin exist a huge blow to their sense of entitlement and self-importance. Their huge ego notwithstanding needs to be fed, so they'll ofttimes keep trying to exert control over you. If amuse and "beloved bombing" doesn't work, they may resort to threats, denigrating y'all to mutual friends and acquaintances, or stalking you lot, on social media or in person.

Cut off all contact with the narcissist. The more contact you have with them, the more hope you'll requite them that they tin reel you dorsum in. It's safer to block their calls, texts, and emails, and disconnect from them on social media. If y'all have children together, have others with y'all for any scheduled custody handovers.

Let yourself to grieve. Breakups can be extremely painful, whatever the circumstances. Even catastrophe a toxic human relationship tin can leave you feeling sorry, aroused, dislocated, and grieving the loss of shared dreams and commitments. Healing can take fourth dimension, so get easy on yourself and turn to family and friends for support.

Don't expect the narcissist to share your grief. One time the message sinks in that you lot will no longer be feeding their ego, the narcissist volition likely soon move on to exploit someone else. They won't feel loss or guilt, just that never-ending need for praise and admiration. This is no reflection on you lot, but rather an illustration of how very one-sided their relationships always are.

If you need help for narcissistic personality disorder

Due to the very nature of the disorder, almost people with NPD are reluctant to acknowledge they have a trouble—and even more reluctant to seek assist. Even when they practise, narcissistic personality disorder can be very challenging to treat. Simply that doesn't mean there's no hope or that changes aren't possible. Mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and antipsychotic drugs are sometimes prescribed in astringent cases or if your NPD co-occurs with some other disorder. However, in most cases psychotherapy is the primary grade of handling.

Working with a skilled therapist, yous can learn to accept responsibility for your actions, develop a ameliorate sense of proportion, and build healthier relationships. Yous tin can as well work on developing your emotional intelligence (EQ). EQ is the ability to understand, utilize, and manage your emotions in positive ways to empathize with others, communicate finer, and builder potent relationships. Chiefly, the skills that make up emotional intelligence can be learned at whatsoever time.